Flaunting their sinful lifestyle

So I’m reading some posts from a Jew who has claimed himself infallible when it comes to representing God’s view on homosexuality, apparently including how it should apply to marriage law. And when someone points out that eating pork is also a sin under his religion, and yet there is no major push to ban pork consumption. To explain the difference, he puts forth “how often do you hear about a pro-pork parade in your city?”

And so, to educate Moshe Starkman, allow me to present BaconFest Chicago. The Boston Bacon and Beer Festival. Iowa’s annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival. Oklahoma’s Baconalia. In Everett, they have a sausage fest like he wouldn’t believe, and the same is true in Alabama, in Texas, in Washington, and in Florida, which this coming weekend celebrates the 25th anniversary of the Beulah Sausage Fest. And yes, there’s a whole lot of public porkin’ going on, in Ohio, in Tennessee, in Illinois, in Virginia, inDiana…and for those who like to mix it up, Delaware’s Apple Scrapple Festival may be just the place for them!

And all that isn’t to mention the TV ads that directly promote taking part in such sinful pork consumption, put on by those pushing the Jimmy Dean agenda. I doubt we’ll ever see an ESPN ad for “Men: The Other White Meat (also available in other colors)”, but shots of some guy’s McRib dripping luscious fluid onto their pants are considered perfectly acceptable. The next time he sees a movie with a luau scene where some hot swine is tied naked to a pole with a red apple gag in his mouth, I hope Mr. Starkman will realize that these suckling pigs are not as in the closet as he would like to believe.

Passage

So I’m sitting here conserving energy – I’ve got whatever illness has been bopping around my household. (Two nights ago, it was the missuz, last night, it was the daughter, today, it’s me.) Moving slowly, not doing work, for some reason I thought I’d look up someone I knew back in grade school. He’s got an uncommon enough name (Whitney Ciambella) that he should be findable.

No Whitney was a vague friend for a while, somewhere around 5th grade. Another student once told me “you know Whitney’s only friends with you because no one else will be friends with him. He’s using you.” But it wasn’t like folks were lining up to be friends with the school math nerd, so that seemed equiatable. He might not have been my first choice – he wasn’t the best student, he was a ruffian (relative to me, which doesn’t mean much) Whitney once used me to receive contraband – he wanted to order one of those switchblade combs advertised in the comics, and his parents wouldn’t let him have it, so he had it shipped to my place.

Anyway, the Internet does not fail me. It gives me three bits of information that I did not have. One is that Whitney was not his first name, but his middle name; I suspect he was named after his dad. The second was that he had become a roofer.

The third? He died last year, age of 46.

Tough news at any time; when one is sick and feeling extra mortal, all the worse.

Say the secret word, get a tension

Reading the article “Priest used church money on male escorts, lavish lifestyle“, I can’t help but notice something in its absence. There’s a word that shows up nowhere in the article… and that word is “Catholic”.

There are many crimes for which it would not be reasonable to name the perpetrator’s religion. It would be inappropriate to note that a mugger is a Jew, or a drunk driver a Protestant. But in this case, by avoiding the description of the religion, they’re avoiding saying just who the crime’s target was, as money would likely flow from the local church up the chain.

I can’t help but to suspect that this omission was not just a slip, that someone thought the news had been giving it too hard to the Catholic church in recent days. That would be a poor reason to duck covering the facts.

Product naming

Suggested ad line: “Dial for Men: The soap will make you feel sooo clean. And the 1-900 number will make you feel sooo dirty.”

(I may Licensable BearTM this when I have the time.)

Nat gets the final word

I get quoted – without attribution, and for all of three words – on one of the most-read blogs in all of cyberinformationsuperhighwebspace, Andrew Sullivan’s blog at The Atlantic’s website. Mine is the final reader letter in the entry. (For context: the website has been using the Road Runner’s “Meep meep” to reference Obama’s savvy moves at getting past political opposition. The event being discussed may not – or may- be ecologically sound, but it certainly was a smooth political move.)

I’m anonymously famous!

Bye to the old blog

If anyone left any comments for this blog at the old Gertler.com address over the last couple months — sorry, they’re gone. I have no forwarded all calls for the old blog over to the new one. There may still be some problem with old images, I’ll have to see.

100% ain’t what it used to be

An unretouched screen capture from Amazon:

Yes, I’m late in saying this, but…

Yay, District of Columbia!

Our decaying language

The other day, in Wal-Mart, I came across an aisle with a sign indicating that this is where “dictionarys” were available.

Today, I find that Sesame Street, that show that exists primarily for spreading language to our young ones, is running an episode entitled “Bears Tries to Hibernate“

Indicators that the Blimpies in the Walmart (which closes at 8PM) may not do a lot of business at 7:30

“I’d like a 12-inch tuna on the honey oat bread.”

“We only have enough tuna to do a six inch.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you give me a sandwich that’s half tuna, half something else then, and still just charge me for one 12-inch?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, make the other half roast beef.”

“Out. Turkey okay?”

“Okay.”

(pause while she looks under the counter.)

“It’ll have to be on wheat bread…”