(Dateline: Washington, DC) In a move designed to provide an immediate economic injection into our ailing economy, the Department of the Treasury has announced that they will be moving Christmas up to November 3rd this year.
“We feel this is just what’s needed,” explained Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. “By moving the date up by over a month and a half, we accelerate consumer spending on gifts. The earlier receipt by workers of their Christmas bonuses will also do much to bouy consumer confidence and the economy as a whole. And, of course, the overnight imports from the North Pole will do much to improve our trade balance.”
Paulson went on to explain that a similar shift would not be applied to Hannukah “because none of us could agree when it was originally scheduled for.” Instead, that celebration will be enhanced to fifteen days from its traditional eight, increasing the sales not only of gifts, but of candles, not to mention menorahs designed to the new government standard.