I’m getting older, and quickly. I feel it every day. And if you’re like most of the people I talk to, you’re feeling it quite strongly. But I’m not going to let this continue. I’ve got a plan, and it’s one you may wish to consider:
I’m going to move to Australia and steal things.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s not some secret advanced chemical formula, mystical potion, or anti-aging totem that I plan to take. Honestly, I don’t think it matters what I steal, as I long as I engage in acts of physical theft, and if I keep it small I reckon I can probably get away with it. And the Australian government seems not only to not want to thwart my criminal plans, but actually to encourage them. Why else would the government have put out a press release announcing “Prison population ageing, but robbery offenders getting younger“? This information is derived from a report bearing the primary title Australian Corrections, and if getting me back to the age I picture myself as being isn’t a correction, I don’t know what is!
So the next time you see me, don’t be surprised if I’ve got more hair, tighter skin, and some Australian stuff I didn’t pay for.